I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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