There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
