Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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