i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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