either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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