cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Found your dick twin last night
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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