he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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