btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
