So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
