just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
