I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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