I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
