I skipped work to stalk him.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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