I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
