thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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