Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
