he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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