If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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