My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
