I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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