I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
