he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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