i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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