im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
