Sry I called you an 8
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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