I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i already hear my dad disowning me
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.