yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
