youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
