You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You don't make any sense
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