She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
