I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We need to get me chipped asap
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize