Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
