my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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