You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
