Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
They are going to name an STD after you.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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