it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
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Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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