Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Did we literally take a cab across the street
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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