I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
