Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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