The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
