I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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