I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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