There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
