umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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