Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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