I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
