my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
