his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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