the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
