She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
