good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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