I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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