Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
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