I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
