Your mouth is God's brothel.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
MIDGETS
????
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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