and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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