y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
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when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
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I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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