from now on my penis is your penis
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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