Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
