yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
