chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
