We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
