Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
