Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
