after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
