So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
