I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
