Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
