if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
