I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
