It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
