i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
one might say we're banned from that church
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
