I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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