I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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