I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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