you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
