I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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