I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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