Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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