She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
