Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
