singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
