It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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